I didn’t know that I was depressed, until I lost my appetite
of doing anything, I barely touched my sewing hobby that I love so much, I
barely touched my GMAT book although I was taking the test in 2 months, I could
barely eat, I lost almost 3 kgs in a week. I wake up almost every day in the
middle of the night shaking. It felt like when you wake up from a nightmare,
and the reality is the nightmare actually.
I hated myself that I was weak and vulnerable for that.
I went to psychiatrist, and hoped that she could help. I was
better for a moment, I had the energy, I can enjoy my lunch although it is not
in a normal portion. But I felt better. Then she prescribed me drugs, I stared at
it for a long time hoping I won’t need them.
What I learned from this depression is that you don’t
underestimate it, you don’t look down when people say they are depressed, I
felt hopelessness, feeling unwanted, the feeling that drain your energy. You
don’t leave them. And for whatever reasons, don’t compare yourselves (who are
not depressed) to those who are depressed for whatever reasons, loss, economy,
failure, etc. Depression is hard. And hard times are not relative, hard times are
hard.
